Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
