I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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