May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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