Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
