if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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