how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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