oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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