Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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