in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
