He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
