I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
