I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
