Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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