just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
