btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
