My hand turned me down
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
