Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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