I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
