I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
