Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
