Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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