I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
