"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
