She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
