Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
