I think my fart just growled at me.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
