Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize