Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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