But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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