I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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