the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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