At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
one might say we're banned from that church
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
