oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
