So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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