Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
