I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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