so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
