sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
