Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
