please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
