im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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