sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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