can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
