i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
