i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im holly from the hills drunk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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