Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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