I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
