shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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