9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
