This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
