I faked an abortion last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
