I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
