Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
