she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
