We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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