My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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