i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
