Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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