Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
