think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
