wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
