there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
