I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
