Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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