If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
