I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
