i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?