She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
